Back to School

Today began another school year at St. Johns.  So I spoke for hours about expectations and procedures to a captive audience of third and fourth graders.  We talked about everything from hand washing  to pencil sharpening and beyond.  In discussing my personal mission statement with my new 3rd & 4th graders, I told them, among other things, that  I would always try to bring a good attitude to school.  Then a discussion ensued about effort and perfection.  I can guarantee effort but not necessarily perfection.  After all, things happen in life and we all have our struggles, but we get up and start everyday fresh.  We finished our discussion about my goals and then moved on to theirs.  Several minutes later in a discussion about roles for table group members as they worked on a class mission statement, a student raises his hand, “Mrs. Ray . . . I want to be absent on the day you’re in a bad mood.”  I think he was serious . . . I guess I’ve got them worried already . . . but I gotta’ love my job.

A Quiz, but First a Caveat . . .

Recently, I came across a file on friendship that I had long forgotten I had, but before I share it with you, I have a bit of a caveat:

Part of my hesitancy in beginning, and certainly resuming, a blog is the idea of vainglory.  So I think I just have to clear my conscience on this issue before I proceed any further.  I am not writing this to get attention.  I am writing it to communicate with people who are interested in what I am currently thinking about.  It’s a way to stay in touch on a more than superficial level, and to do so on a user-friendly timetable.  So to repeat  . . . this is not a “LOOOOOK at MEEEEEEE’ blog.  I’m just here thinking and typing and humming to myself.  If you want to join me – GREAT!  Secondly, one of my greatest fears about expressing my opinions in conversation, much less in print in a public forum, is that people will think that I believe myself to be an authority on whatever I am talking or writing about.  I am not.  In many ways this is for me an interactive journal, if you will.  A place where I jot down with some measure of coherence what I’ve been thinking about or am interested in, and IF someone wants to read it – fine, and if not – no harm no foul.  In some ways this is much safer than a conversation in that it’s not directed at any ONE person, and, in theory, the “listener” is less likely to take what I’m saying personally and be hurt by it.  Additionally, I’m not boring anyone who isn’t interested.  Presumably if you’re interested, you’ll keep reading, and if you’re not, you won’t continue.  Any questions?  Good.  Ok, so now on to the fun stuff . . .

So, many, many years ago, my mom sent me a copy of some tapes Teri Beck in Santa Cruz, CA recorded on friendship.  They were fabulous.  If I could find them now, I would definitely listen to them again.  Sadly, I can’t find the tapes, but I did find the notes from the tapes and a copy of the quiz Teri gave to the ladies who were attending the class.  Even today I find the questions to be quite thought provoking and immensely helpful to me as I go through the self-examination process of how good a friend am currently and how I could be a better one.  Every once in a while, I find it helpful to review the quiz to see if I’m heading in the direction I really want to be.  So, without further adieu – Here’s Teri’s quiz (in a somewhat abbreviated form:

FEARLESS SELF INVENTORY

Please take your time, think carefully, and answer honestly.  Check the statements that apply to you.

AS A FRIEND, I TEND TO:

___ be so anxious to talk that I don’t really hear.

___ find I often misunderstand what people tell me.

___ be judgemental, rather than understanding.

___ turn conversations back to myself.

___ get upset if my friend does not act on my advice.

___ talk a lot.

___ get annoyed when people talk to me during a t.v. program or when I’m reading.

___ have trouble keeping my friend’s secrets.

___ use “I” in almost every sentence I speak.

___ feel like people should do things for me.

___ be demanding about getting what I want.

___ rarely offer hospitality in my home.

___ constantly find fault with others.

___ cringe inwardly when asked by the church to serve somehow.

___ be lonely and feel like my friends have deserted me.

___ feel exhilarated when attention-getting problems beset me.

___ complain a lot.

___ rarely volunteer to help solve the problems I complain about.

___ have a hard time saying “thank you.”

___ do not like to compliment others.

___ do not think to compliment others.

___ expect people to thank me for my services.

___ have trouble acknowledging my friends’ successes and growth.

___ am chronically late.

___ rarely return borrowed items on time and in good condition.

___ say I’ll do something and then fail to carry through on my commitments.

___ want to serve only in areas that are glamorous in the public eye.

___ have no problem telling others where they are wrong.

___ have no problem telling others how they have failed me.

___ like to take charge whenever I can.

___ have difficulty admitting I might be wrong.

___ have trouble making commitments.

___ be inflexible about my plans.

___ use sarcasm in my humor.

___ use sarcasm to let people know I am irritated or upset.

___ make untrue excuses when I have failed a friend.

___ try to get attention in ways that sometimes embarrass my friends.

___ always have problems to share.

___ try to persuade my (friend, mother, father, husband) with tears when I don’t get my way.

___ sulk or pout when people don’t do things my way or offend me.

___ give my friends the “icy silence” treatment when they offend me.

___ feel like I’m always rushing to meet the urgent needs of my friends.

___ want one close friend I can spend most of my time with.

___ depend solely on my husband for friendship.

___ am jealous when my friend tells me how much she enjoys being with someone else.

___ blurt out my problems to my friend immediately, without first discovering her        emotional readiness to handle them.

___ be shy about expressing my love to my friends.

___ gossip about others with my friends.

___ credit other people with ideas or complaints that are actually my own.

___ interrupt someone who is telling a story to make sure all the details are correct.

___ get upset when people confront me about my problems.

___ avoid conflict at all costs.

___ hold grudges.

___ avoid contact with someone I’ve offended or someone who has offended me.

___ be disappointed in people who don’t live up to my expectations.

___ expect people to know when I’m lonely or sick and call me.

___ expect the church women to help me with chores that I could do myself.

___ have trouble asking for help.

___ feel that life does not treat me fairly.

___ compare myself to others.

___ be willing to help only in areas or ministries I enjoy.

___ give gifts that I would enjoy receiving, without considering the tastes of the recipient.

___ have difficulty putting myself in my friend’s place and serving her as she desires to be served.

___ have no close friends.

___ get impatient when my friend gives me advice.

___ keep a guard up so my friends will not the deepest (and perhaps roughest) sides of me.

___ abandon a friendship when the going gets tough.

Well Friend, It’s been a looooong time . . .

Ok . . . you have been tormenting me for months, and my guilt ridden conscience can bear it no longer!  I am guilty.  I have too long neglected you for a more trendy and immediately gratifying companion (shall we say the name . . . yes? . . . . . . . facebook)  But I know that you are a much more “real” expression of who I am and a more genuine glimpse into the more illusive corners of my mind and heart, and so I have returned . . . I promise.  Perhaps not with a vengeance nor with pomp and grandeur, but returned nonetheless to a more authentic and thoughtful means of staying in touch with those I love, near and far.  Thanks for your patience.  Now I think I’ll go and post this link on facebook . . . yes, seriously.  But I’ll be back!

Pardon My Rant

Today as I was enjoying the beautiful weather on our visit to Southern California, I had the opportunity to laze about and read various periodicals here at Bonnie and Linda’s.  During that process, I came across an article by Kathleen Deveny in the “Modern Family” section of Newsweek that illustrated one of the many things that, in my opinion, helps to lead unsuspecting parents into poor and unhealthy parenting practices and ultimately helps to erode the moral character of our society.  In her article, Ms. Deveny embraces and perpetuates the notion that it’s ok to ”behave differently with our kids when no one is watching”  as long as we don’t get caught. 

Well,  Ms. Deveny may be correct that  we may be more mindful of watching our P’s and Q’s when we know eyes are on us, but frankly, as Christians and as parents who want to raise good kids, that is a cop out.  Image control has no part in the Christian life.  Each morning we ask God in the prayer of Metropolitan Philaret to, “Bless my dealings with all who surround me, . . .In all my deeds and words, guide my thoughts and feelings,” and to “teach me to act firmly and wisely without embittering and embarrassing others.”  That is the goal - regardless of who’s looking, but one thing is certain: our children are, and they need to see us consistently struggle toward righteousness.  

If we give ourselves a “pass” to be less than our best because “no one is watching,”  we teach our children hypocrisy.  I expect my children to conduct themselves by the same moral standards regardless of where they are, whether they be at work, school, church, a party, or on a date.  How are my children to learn those standards if I don’t model them myself?

An even more damaging consequence of this behavioral double standard, however, is that if we change our behavior to fit the context, we teach our children that not only are they not worth our very best, but  also that we value what people think of us more than them!  Of course every parent falls short.  When we do, we would do better to follow the examples of the saints and tell the truth and ask forgiveness rather than play the “sugary sweet mom in public” and be “a Nazi mom at home.”  Parenting isn’t about acting; it’s about providing a loving example of righteousness to our children and the world around us.  Better to let the world see my limitations and my shortcomings and then to ask for God’s mercy and redouble my efforts to “act firmly and wisely without embittering and embarrassing others”! 
than to teach my children that it’s ok to lie about who they are.   After all, how much more do the children with whom God has entrusted us need to be treated “wisely” than someone we may pass on the street?   We are, afterall, accountable for their souls.

Fall is Here – And James Too!

Fall officially arrived Labor Day weekend.  Evidently, that’s when it comes in Alaska.  In our vast Alaskan experience, both last year and this year the the tree at the end of the road turned yellow in one weekend – Labor Day weekend.  We are enjoying the foliage; it truly is a beautiful time of year.

   

Hannah celebrated her 22nd birthday on the 17th.  Susie Bookbinder and I planned a frog-themed birthday bash for her.  It was a hopping success.  ”Frogs?” you ask, “Why Frogs?!?”  Well, let me tell you.  Last summer when Hannah was decorating the Klatt’s wedding, Suz and Hannah were floating tea lights in dishes of water.  Suz said,  ”These would look great with lily pads floating alongside them in the dish!”  Well, that was all it took.  From there they started running with the whole frog theme, and then Hannah informed us that she wanted to have a frog-themed wedding when she got married, complete with lily pads for the bride and groom, lily pad centerpieces, tadpoles swimming in the vases, etc.  Needless to say we thought the birthday frog decorations would be better than wedding frog decorations.  Now she’s off the hook on that one.       The moose have  been around a lot lately.  This mom and baby keep coming back and spent all last Saturday hanging out in the yard.       Our nephew, James, came to live with us last Friday.  He seems like he’s enjoying Alaska – though you can’t really tell it from the picture.  He’s only almost run into one moose and fallen down one mountain since he’s been here.  So why wouldn’t he love it?

Summer’s Winding Down

 

Well, it was one week ago we started back to school, and when we’ve been out walking over the last week or so, I’ve been noticing telltale yellow and red leaves on a few of the plants.  Honestly, it makes me a little wistful; weatherwise, summer was pretty much non-existent this year.  According to the latest stats I’ve seen this summer has had the fewest number of days to reach 65 degrees since 1970.  What’s more, I can probably count the number of sunny days we’ve had on my fingers.  Ho Hum.  I guess we’ll be really ready for sunny Southern California when we visit in October.  

But don’t get me wrong.  In spite of the weather, this summer had plenty of good times.  We started the summer out by cleaning a ton (literally) of old junk off our property.  You name it: cast iron pipe, chicken wire, assorted pipe fittings, old wheel, and SHEDS!  UGH I don’t know what it is with Alaskans and their sheds, but they LOVE them.  Anyway, we got rid of all the debris and even photo-documented the removal of the last shed.  Mind you this was no small feat.  The new owners had to winch these sheds (which were constructed on old truck beds – sans wheels)  uphill on an unpaved, and virtually ungraveled road.  We were mighty pleased to see that last shed disappear into the sunset.

We also had a monumentally great fishing expedition with Al Zink and several families from the church.  In one evening our boatload of 6 fishermen caught 202 salmon.  It was exhilarating!  And let me say, cleaning 202 fish was even more, invigorating – especially after I inadvertently took a dive into the inlet to retrieve a fish that slipped through my grasp.  Yes, the icy water went down my waders, and yes, I did get that fish! (One of our group took much better pictures than I did, so if you want to see more go to    http://picasaweb.google.com/craigmiller03/DipNetKasilof   )

We also had a great ERI, with Frederica Matthews Green and Fr. Michael Dahulich, dean of St. Tikhon’s Seminary.  I especially enjoyed Fr. Michael’s teaching on the Gospel of John.  What with all the weddings (Hannah decorated for one of them, and several people said they didn’t know the church basement could look so good.  Here are a few summer pics – better log ‘em while I still can.

Going . .  Goiing . . . Gone!

     

     

Our Fishing Gang

    

And the wedding decorations 

A New Link

I added a new link to my blog.  Matthew and Anastasia Howell recently left Alaska to attend seminary at St. Tikhon’s for three years, so in order to avoid clogging their email sending pictures of their adorable baby, Luke, to all of their friends and family, they started a blog.  So why would you care about seeing baby pix of a baby you might not know?  Well, it just so happens that Matthew is also HILARIOUS and will undoubtedly provide a humorous and novel view of life at seminary.  The baby pix of Luke are just gravy. (but I just couldn’t resist)

Luke

The Dormition of the Mother of God

Dn. Joseph gave the homily at St. John’s for the Dormition.  I thought it was quite good and wanted to share it with all of you.  Blessed Feast!

     Sometimes it is called,”The Summer Pascha”. Sometimes it is called “The Pascha of the Theotokos”.  Here at St. John`s we call this feast, “The Dormition of the Theotokos”.  Bp. Kallistos Ware writes, ”Orthodox tradition is clear and unwavering in regard to the central point of the dormition -  the holy Virgin underwent, as did her Son, a physical death – but her body like His – was afterwards raised from the dead and she was taken up into heaven in her body as well as in her soul – She has passed beyond death and judgment and lives wholly in the age to come.  The resurrection of the body has in her case been anticipated and is already an accomplished fact.   That does not mean ,however, that she is disassociated from the rest of humanity and placed in wholly different category: for we all hope to share one day in that same glory of the resurrection of the body which she enjoys even now.”St. Paul wrote, “for we were saved in this hope:”

     The Dormition is one of the 12 major feasts that we celebrate in the Orthodox church.  Then there is Pascha, the feast of feasts, which is above all the rest.  All the feasts point to Pascha, because Pascha is the point.  It is the center of history.  The theme song of the church is the Paschal anthem, “Christ is risen from the dead trampling down death  by death and upon those in the tombs bestowing life.” Christ is our life.  He is our Hope and our Glory and our Joy. The church sets before us 12 major feasts to aid us to grow in our love for God and our knowledge of. It is interesting to note that four of the major feasts are about Mary.  Her conception, her birth, her presentation, and her dormition.  Well, they are not really about Mary, but about Jesus, because Mary is all about Jesus.  In every service we call Mary to remembrance because she is the #1 saint in the Orthodox church.  Some one might ask, “Why? She

 didn`t go to college.  She didn`t go to seminary.  She was not ordained a priest. She didn`t write any books or icons.  She was not imprisoned or tortured or martyred for her faith.”  The answer the church gives is she is the #1 saint because she lived a life of complete obedience and devotion to God – of complete holiness and purity.  She was open and receptive to the Holy Spirit, living only and always for God in constant communion and love with Him. She attained Theosis.  She became as St. Peter puts it,” a partaker of the Divine Nature.” She lived life as the human race was created to live it. She inherited her human nature from Adam,  just as you and I have, yet she made her soul a temple of the Holy Spirit.  She was the first one to accept Jesus.  In a sense she is the new Eve.  And she taught her Son to live this way also. 

     She also teaches us. If you don`t mind  I would like to go through the epistle and the gospel that were read today and look at them in the light, in the context of the feast.  Paul wrote in Philippians, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,” In the context of this feast, the church is teaching us, that Mary had the mind of Christ.  The church is teaching us that we need to adopt the “mind of Christ.” When we hear, “He humbled Himself to the point of death,” we learn that Mary humbled herself and was willing to die for God and that we ought to be willing to lay down our lives for God and each other out of love.  Some one might ask, “When did Mary risk her life? When did she demonstrate that she was willing to die for God?” The angel Gabriel appeared to her saying,”You will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus.” Mary was a pregnant, unwed teenager.  She knew that the penalty for adultery under the Mosaic law was death by stoning. People would conclude that she had committed adultery. She was willing to be seen as an adulteress and risk death out of love for God.  Mary was familiar with the passage in Job that says,”Though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him”. God called her, and she answered yes.  Pretty gutsy for a young teenage girl.

In the gospel of Luke we hear of two sisters,  Martha and Mary. Luke wrote,  “Martha welcomed Him into her house”.  Jesus always want to enter the door of our hearts.  He is always knocking.  The door of the heart of the Theotokos was always open and welcoming to the Lord. He was always her first priority.  As we read further, “Mary sat at Jesus` feet and heard His word.  But Martha was distracted.”  There are many distractions in this life. Mary the sister of Martha was focused on Jesus.  She chose to sit at His feet and hear His word  not allowing herself to be distracted, not allowing herself to be turned away from Him, and she got grief for it. Martha didn`t like it. If we follow Jesus we will get grief.  There is a cost.  Jesus tells us to count the cost.  As Paul wrote,  “All who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.”  Or as Dostoyevsky put it,  “If not with a spear, at least with a snear.”  Mary had counted the cost and was willing to pay it.  Going on we read, “And Jesus answered and said to her,  Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things,  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken way from her.”  The church is teaching us to lay aside all earthly cares, to seek first the kingdom of God, and to take it by force because there is no end to the distractions of this world, and this world is passing away, but those who do the will of God abide forever. 

     Further on in Luke we read “…that a certain woman from the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, ‘Blessed is the womb which bore You and the breasts which nursed You!,’  But He said, ’More than that, blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!’”  Mary was chosen to be the Mother of God because she heard the word of God and kept it. Likewise, we are all called to hear the word of God and keep it.  We are all called to follow Christ when He calls us.  All of humanity owes Mary an enormous debt of gratitude that she willingly said “yes” to God.  She is our great example.  She changed the course of history simply by saying yes to God.  One person can make a difference.  Mary was a teenager when God was born of her.  If you are a young woman and you don`t think that you can make a difference, look at Mary.  If you are a teenager and you don`t think that you have any gift to give, look at Mary.   Have you ever thought what the world would be like if Mary had said No to God?   If she had said to the angel Gabriel, “I have plans can you come back in a few years?  What about my reputation?  I really like the life that I have now in the temple can you find someone else?”   But she didn`t say any of those things.  She said “yes” immediately, decisively and without hesitation, trusting fully and without reservation in God. 

     We all have a calling.  Most of us will not be visited by an angel telling us exactly what we are supposed to do, but all of us have a job to do and it matters a great deal if we do our job or neglect it.  Is there something that God is calling you to do? Are you willing?  Maybe God is calling you to be a priest.  Maybe God is calling you to be the wife of a priest.  Maybe there is something you are doing that you need to give up.  Whatever it is, pray about. Let us open the door of our heart to God. He gave His life for us.  Wouldn`t it be wonderful if we could say to Him that we laid down our lives for Him?  Today let us consider Mary.  And calling her to remembrance let us commend ourselves and each other and all of our life to Christ our God. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Walk in the Yard

Finally, after a year, we are doing a cleaning overhaul on the yard . . . hauling away stuff left by the previous owners, hauling away remodeling debris, mowing the weeds – I mean lawn, etc.  I have run several ads on Craigs List for various items, so we’ve been fielding phone calls and trying to get rid of what we can.  A man is coming Friday to try and take away one of the many shed that “grace” our property, so in preparation for this event, my husband and I were walking through the yard so I could show him some ferns I didn’t want damaged in the process.  The dog next door was merrily barking when I noticed there was a crackling sound coming from the bushes on the other side of the shed. A sense of caution fell over me (there’s been a black bear lurking about, and today was trash day, which lures the bears to our neighborhood), so I proceeded with caution and began talking very loudly.  The crackling in the brush increased, and sure enough, not a moment later a black bear emerged from the brush as he headed toward the woods.  Dn. Joseph walked up the hill (away from the bear to get a better look and put a little distance between us and the bear, and as I began to follow him up the hill, I turned and noticed the bear beginning to follow us.  Remembering my bear tutorials, I turned, stood tall, and looked the bear in the eye, as if to say, “Back off bear”.  He looked back appraisingly, turned around, and headed back into the forest.  I’m so glad he was not a brown bear.  They’re not nearly so accommodating.

Many Years to Brendan & Helen

This past Sunday, Brendan Coleman and Helen Matthews were married. so this is a tribute to them.  Some of you from Southern California may know Brendan; he attended St. Peter’s in Pomona for awhile when he lived in California.  His new wife, Helen, is originally from St. John’s, but also spent some time living in Kodiak.  Several people from Kodiak and St. Innocent Academy  (including Fr. Paisius and his family) attended the wedding.  Their music and warmth brought a lot to the event and was a great gift to the newlyweds and the rest of us as well.  My favorite part of the wedding though, was having Kayla visit.  We had many cups of tea, a few waffles, good conversations, and many laughs.